Freddie K. Has Nothing on Me…
“My inner self is at least twice as scary as Kruger could ever DREAM of being…”— AnonymousBeing on the NightWatch has taught me many things. Things such as (1) yes, you do need to sleep sometime, (2) no one wins an IronMan trophy for prayer, and (3) your body is NEVER indestructible…However, the NightWatch has also taught me a resounding appreciation for two commodities that could never be so common in reality, yet so rare in the modern world. Namely, silence and darkness. For example, at my house, we have four roommates, we all have cell phones (that all ring at some of the most annoying times), we all have computers of one stripe or another, we all like our music loud, and we all like to talk (me, not so much anymore… but that is a different topic)… we also have about thirty feet of backyard, bordered by a retaining wall and I-435… I also work in retail (the store isn’t usually busy, but it’s busy enough), which is enough to put anybody’s nerves on edge. However, while I sit here with the therapeutic droning of Interstate traffic drifting lazily across my auditory senses, I am finding that my life is so full of noise that silence is becoming more and more of a treasure to me.I’m sure many people will think me crazy when they read my next few sentences, but at the risk of sounding like a putz I will calmly say that I stay awake all night and pray… what did you expect? Why is it that whenever we enter a dark room, the first thing we do is look for the light switch? When I get home from work, why is it that I always head straight for iTunes? When there is no noise, why do we start talking to ourselves? I think I know the answer… we are too uncomfortable with ourselves. If I liked me more than I did, I wouldn’t mind spending more time alone with myself. When the lights are on, the music is full blast, and I am fully distracted from who I actually am… then I can finally feel comfortable. When I can cause myself to forget who and what I am, then I can actually believe God doesn’t mind me being around.
All of this is to say that I am trying harder to stop distracting myself from who I am and who God says I will be. With the lights off, the music fast asleep, and nothing but me and God, that is when I am the most vulnerable (I can’t see to protect myself), the most open (I’m not listening to anything else anyway), and the most like myself. If you were to ask me about child Psychology, I would tell you that kids aren’t actually scared of the dark… their spirit is picking up their spiritual state with no distractions… and that is frightening to anyone. So how do you become more comfortable with being in the dark? Become more accustomed to yourself… your discomfort is probably more with the person you are rather than the lack of light around you.